Have you ever been to a normal wedding?

Here is an eyewitness report from a recent local wedding. It has been edited to restore the cuss words that were originally censored.

Besides having a hot to trot DJ (the look he gave me, when I asked him, why should I give him my number was a hoot...he looked like he was just hit with a missile), the three legged greyhound, the ugly woman that looked like Queen Victoria looking for her pig leg, having the stepdad tell me that the he has to walk the spoiled bitch down the aisle because her father decided to off himself last month, probably due to the goddamn stress of the fucking wedding. I spent the time wondering if the couple were truly married due to the fact the guy that married the couple looked like a cross between Dracula going to a prom and george washington, and he didn't do any vows but just had them tie their hands together with a silk cloth and have each of the parents go up and do a blessing on them and add a knot to the cloth that tied their hands together. Needless to say the stepfather had a quick blessing...something along the lines, with "I hope you can deal with her".

I casually asked someone if they were officially married and nearly got my head bit off due to the fact "of course they are married, this is Hovander Park"...I don't know how the Park played into making their marriage legal, but I didn't want to rock the boat.

I guess as long as one of the three knots stay in the cloth, they are married. Which could be a very cheap divorce.

¶ Wednesday, July 14, 2004