:Chloroform in Print
I want to go to the top of a really tall building, take a leak, finish, zip up, and then have my pee hit the ground. I want my entire pee to be airborne. Man I love beer.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Gang of boozing Santas rampage in New Zealand
combination of reports from The Associated Press and Reuters

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A group of 40 people dressed in Santa Claus costumes, many of them drunk, rampaged through New Zealand's largest city, robbing stores and assaulting security guards, police said Sunday.

The rampage, dubbed "Santarchy" by local newspapers, began early Saturday afternoon when the men, wearing ill-fitting Santa costumes, threw beer bottles and urinated on cars, said Auckland Central Police spokeswoman Noreen Hegarty.

She said the men then rushed through a central city park, overturning garbage containers, throwing bottles at passing cars and spraying graffiti on buildings.
One man climbed the mooring line of a cruise ship. Other Santas, objecting when the man was arrested, attacked security staff members, Hegarty said.

The remaining Santas entered a downtown convenience store and carried off beer and soft drinks. "They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves," convenience store staff member Changa Manakynda told the newspaper, which reported the Santas also attacked a Christmas tree.

Alex Dyer, a spokesman for the group, said Santarchy was designed to protest the commercialization of Christmas.

Three people were arrested and charged with drunkenness and disorderly behavior. Police said identification was a key issue as they tried to sort out which of the 40 men and women had done what.

"With a number of people dressed in the same outfit, it was difficult for any witnesses to confirm the identity of who was doing what," Senior Sergeant Matt Rogers told Reuters.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005
The Radio Control Rat: Addendum
The rat arrived a couple of weeks ago and was promptly confiscated by my wife. It is even cooler than promised. Instead of left/right and forward/back controls, it is instead operated by two choices: "forward" and "spin," the latter of which causes it to revolve in place at a high rate of speed. AND its eyes light up an evil red color whenever it is in motion. Perfect for terrorizing small children, pets, and easily startled adults.

I wanted to take the rat to work to show it off, but when I announced this plan my wife snapped, "he doesn't want to go with you."

It's good to know where you reside on your spouse's list of priorities, and I rest secure that I rank below the radio control rat. I can't complain - it's clearly more awesome than I can even aspire to be.


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I like brown liquor, strong beer, barbeque, and brunettes. Also, you suck.

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