:Chloroform in Print
I want to go to the top of a really tall building, take a leak, finish, zip up, and then have my pee hit the ground. I want my entire pee to be airborne. Man I love beer.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Think of the kittens...and the Domokun
Sent in by a reader along with the following message:
I was walking by the church yesterday (the one where I taught our dogs to poo on their lawn) and they had just put new sidewalks in and someone wrote this in the wet cement.
Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.

Since this is the Internet, the original joke has inevitably spiralled out of controlâ€and I'm happy to pile on.

Every time you send this fucking picture, God kills a Domo-kun.

This would be even better as a cage match.

Disturbing on many levels, including poor use of Photoshop and vaguely pornographic subject manner.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Once an area is infected, it never fully recovers
Since this is the slow time of the year for me at work I have quite a bit of time on my hands these days, and since I'm a compulsive reader I've been visiting Happy Blog Land on a regular basis. Over at Waiter Rant, a recent post detailed the characteristics and habits of Yuppies. I was surprised that there was any confusion, but apparently there is (read the comments).

Which got me to thinking about the various, uh, variants that have sprung up over the years. One I haven't heard, but which needs to make its way into common usage, is a descriptor for the following personality type:

Sadly, the PNW is infested with these fuckers, the majority of whom emigrated here from California starting in the 70's and continuing to the present day. Even more sadly, The Town In Which I Live is almost completely overrun. From the description, it should be fairly obvious that these people combine many of the least desirable traits of both Hippies and Yuppies. So henceforth, this type is to be referred to as Herppies.

Thursday, June 02, 2005
The Truck of Dorian Gray

Most of us are familiar with the concept, if not the story, of Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray. For those who are not, the story is about an infamous rake, cad, and libertine by the name of Dorian Gray, who despite his reprehensible lifestyle is astonishingly immune to the ravages of time, somehow maintaining his youthful appearance and vigor. Unbeknownst to anyone but Mr. Gray, he has a portrait of himself secreted away, which magically absorbs the damage that he has visited on himself and others, displaying his true visage: decrepit, time-rotted and horrible to behold.

Times have changed, but people remain people. In my foolish youth, I congratulated myself for retaining my youthful appearance despite a reasonably hedonistic and self-destructive lifestyle. Then one day I realized that my sins were being visited not upon a painting or photograph, but on my truck.

Behold the damage:


My Photo
Location: The PNW

I like brown liquor, strong beer, barbeque, and brunettes. Also, you suck.

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