:Chloroform in Print
I want to go to the top of a really tall building, take a leak, finish, zip up, and then have my pee hit the ground. I want my entire pee to be airborne. Man I love beer.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Smoking Crayons
[Scene is a cocktail party at a fancy house with pool and hot tub in the background. Camera pans in on two guys standing apart from the crowd and talking.]

First guy: Man, things haven't been going so well for me. The boss is bustin' my hump, my dog growls at me when I come home, and I haven't had a date in weeks.
[He takes a furtive drag on his crayon. Camera zooms in on the label; it's a K-Mart brand "Sea Blue". Wax drips off the end and spatters his shoes.]

[Camera pans over to his friend]
Second guy: Say, Bob, I think I know what your problem is - it's your brand of crayon.

[Reaction shot from first guy, who looks up in surprise]
First guy: Really? 'Cause Maxim said that these cut-rate crayons project an image of 'edginess' - they let people know I'm a 'bad boy' who likes to 'take risks'. I have to admit they don't pack much of a buzz, though.

Second guy: How many times have I told you to stop reading that crap? Take a tip from me - go Crayola. Crayola Turquoise. Always smooth, never bitter - and chicks dig 'em. Watch this.

[He snaps open a chrome crayon box and extracts a Crayola Turquoise, holding it against the mirrored case while the camera zooms in to catch its rich lustre and attractive paper wrapper. He lights up and takes a long, satisfying drag.]

Second guy: "Aaaaaaah. Nothing like a [he raises his voice] Crayola Turquoise."

[Suddenly, a half-dozen hot chicks appear from nowhere and surround him, pushing first guy out of the way. As they start caressing him and removing his clothes, he flicks the crayon butt at first guy. It sticks to his shirt, which starts to catch fire.]

Second guy: See what I mean?

[Fade out on hot chicks dragging guy toward the hot tub. Screen fades to black and fades in with the chrome crayon box, a single Turquoise laying suggestively at its base. Text fades in:]

Crayola Turquoise. Chicks Dig 'Em.

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home

My Photo
Location: The PNW

I like brown liquor, strong beer, barbeque, and brunettes. Also, you suck.

The Letter D
Waiter Rant
Spokane Reviewed
helga von porno
I, Asshole
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
December 2004
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
September 2006
November 2006
January 2007

Powered by Blogger