Buzzwords...just let 'em roll

I was forced to take part in an "Innovation Workshop" yesterday, which is precisely the sort of thing that kept me out of the white-collar workforce until recently. To keep myself awake and out of trouble, I kept a list of the empty marketing/business buzzwords used. Although the list is not comprehensive, it should provide a reasonably accurate representation of the experience.

Yes, this is my way of spreading the misery. I am so ashamed of myself.

leverage
robust
sunset (v.) - used at least 30 times
optimize
multiple dimensions
value proposition
disruptive innovation
stakeholders (used at least 12 times)
distributed intelligence
unique selling proposition
verticalization/deverticalization
complex adaptive system
cross-functional teams
contributing vision (n.)
actionable
strategic construct
core competencies
traction
addressable content
transformative
organizational metabolization
drivers
coherent portfolio
social architecture
association innovation
transparency
intellectual environm,ent
return on engagement
upside potential
distributing responsibility
extension of core
innovation council (members will be issued a gavel and ceremonial robes, presumably)
rapid business planning
social network analysis tools
context dependent
friction points
calibrate our expectations
versioning/re-versioning
systemic innovation
diversity
core intellectual assets
stovepiped
revamp governance
innovation agenda

My kindness was quickly repaid by Miz Restraint. She had to go to the doctor to seek relief for her allergies, and I was generous enough to add to her already miserable existence by sharing the list, along with a cursory "how did it go?" inquiry. Her reply?

That's difficult to say without metrics with which we can calibrate our expectations. The physician provided robust and cross-functional strategic assets, which, unfortunately, will not verticalize me into multiple dimensions, so the upside potential is limited. In addition, since Freddie's Pharmacopoeia has the distributing responsibility, I've yet to implement this complex adaptive system. However, after I have sunset myself with a g&t or two, I'm hoping for a contributing vision.

And my work here is done.

¶ Thursday, March 17, 2005