Taglines I have known and loved

Since the tagline for this blog gets changed whenever we stumble across a cool new saying, and many of these are too good to just fade into internet o'blivion, I have decided to archive our past ones here. The ones I've forgotten will come back to haunt me, I'm sure, so when my badly beaten body is dragged out of a filthy train station bathroom someday it's a good bet that "On Vacation from God" is the perp.

• Not affiliated with the Church of Mormon (Haff)
  
• On Vacation From God (Haff)
  
• For what caliber of losers we are, we're actually doing pretty fucking good (Haff)
  
• Heads-Up on the Down-Low (JB)
  
• The lights are on, the hood is open, but nobody's home (Wight)
  
• "It is the sort of thing that, once seen, lurks in the dark places of the mind, cropping up every so often with a dourful persistence."
  
• Think positive and good things will happen. Or you will be hopelessly crushed under the weight of failure. One of the two. (iq)
  
• Having a Harry Balzac Moment ™ (LP)
  
• Another lost chance at a brush with glory (Haff)
  
• I'm so much happier knowing Yes, I lashed out and Yes, it can hurt people and it's wrong and Yes, it feels good and that's great. (Haff)
  
• Weenie-less Heebie Jeebies (LP)
  
• Some kinda dad-blamed slack-jawed goober! (LP)
  
• And God said, "Let there be light." And the light causeth cancer. (iq)
  
• No unneeded moment. None... only knife. Knife first then move. (knife guy)
  
• Not every day is a hypersonic spiral down a razorblade-lined waterslide straight into Dante's third circle of hell. (iq)
  
• At the bottle shop. Shoppe. You can get a Polish Porter that's great. I think it's Polish. I know that it's great. I think it's something like 8% alcohol and 40% boar blood or something. (JMc)
  
• Sometimes a good hard drunk is kinda like hitting the RESET button. (JB)
  
• Your wit is so searing and incendiary that it burned away my desire to laugh. (JB)
  
• If God is your Co-Pilot, why are you such a shitty driver? (JB)
  
• I understood the thing, and I can explain it to you--about the thing. (sq)
  
• He says he had a choice: put on his pants or get his shotgun. (JB)
  
• Outwardly Violent Book of Inner Peace (bigfoot)
  
• We hang out in the shadows while eerie zither music plays. The smoke from our cigarettes trails up under the street lamps and we solve crimes. (Haff)
  
• I would much rather read actual news, even if it is coming from a bird wearing a hat and smoking a cigar. (insider)
  
• Here is the part where I screamed and people came over to try and help but all I could say was The Horror... The Horror... (Haff)
  
• I only gamble a little each day. I try to keep my head about me but all those lights and bells make it hard sometimes. (ZG)
  
• Nevertheless, the pot-addled chimpanzees have done well. (iq)
  
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. (Chuck n0rris)
  
• I will never understand why "Pants On Fire" is not an appropriate name for a soccer team. (JB)
  
• Does every fucking issue have to boil down to "Liberal vs. Conservative?" I really wish people would knock that shit off. (iq)
  
• David Hasselhoff is the new William Shatner
  
• The rich will dine on corn-fed Iowa beef while the poor masses slave away in the underground factories, lunching on cultured meat tumor-chow laced with obedience-enhancing drugs. It seems almost inevitable.
  
• I DRESSED BETTER THAN MOST OTHER PHARMACISTS
  
• I still think you can just eat healthy food and exercise a bit and you'll be fine. I would never DO that of course, but I still think it's true.
  
• I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
  
• Good luck with all your future endeavours, and I can only pray that this terrible experience does not end in a lifetime of alcohol, loneliness and asperger's as it did for me.
  
• Bottom line: worship whatever you want (allah, jesus or corn in can)


• and now here's a midget with a rocket launcher


• "Everybody gotta wear clothes, and if you don't, you'll get arrested." - Mr. T


• "I was continuing my training and bearing with the pain but finally I destroyed my jaw."


• I want to go to the top of a really tall building, take a leak, finish, zip up, and then have my pee hit the ground. I want my entire pee to be airborne. Man I love beer.

Labels: taglines

¶ Wednesday, August 18, 2004